The Right Message Can Change Everything
My first girlfriend used a note to ask me out.
“Check yes or no.”
It worked.
She dumped me with a note as well. “I think we should just be friends.”
Ah, memories.
We learned a few things passing notes in school. You figured out who you wanted to talk to. You found something in common. You wrote something worth reading and made it easy to answer.
You probably didn’t send seventy-three copies of the same invitation to the dance.
Somewhere between the classroom and the inbox, we started doing exactly that.
Passing Notes to Strangers brings those basics into the work we do today: understanding who you’re reaching out to, writing a message that matters to them, and following through with something useful.
Whether you’re looking for a customer, a job, funding, or someone to help move an idea forward, a good note gives the conversation somewhere to begin.
Collecting
Do your homework.
I grew up in Burien, Washington, just south of Seattle. If there’s even a hint of a connection, I’ll find a way to mention it.
I’d call it “The Burien Drop.” My coworkers used to time me.
“Four minutes and thirty-seven seconds. A new record.”
Being from Seattle might give us something to talk about. Knowing the same Mexican restaurant in Burien gives us somewhere to start.
Adam Grant calls these uncommon commonalities: the things you share with someone that you don’t share with everyone.
Before you send a note, learn about the person receiving it. Read their work. Find out what matters to them, what they’re trying to accomplish, and where you might be able to help.
You’re collecting reasons for the two of you to talk.
Collecting — Do your homework
Connecting
Show ’em you know ’em.
Years ago, Starbucks was building a Tech Café for walk-up support on employee devices. Expedia was doing something similar with its Tech Concierge.
I knew the two directors, so I connected them and let them talk shop.
One email gave them something useful: someone working on the same problem.
Before you send a note asking for someone’s time, spend a little time in their world. Join the conversation. Ask a thoughtful question. Share their work, recommend something relevant, or introduce them to someone who can help.
You don’t need to do all of it. Pay attention, and you’ll find an opening.
Join the conversation like you would in real life. Because this is real life.
Connecting — Stalk before you talk
Crafting
Give them a reason to respond.
An account manager once asked me to help with her emails. Nobody was getting back to her.
Her notes were polite. She introduced herself, described our firm, and asked for fifteen minutes.
Then we talked.
One prospect was a referral from her brother-in-law. Our firm had worked with his organization before. And his team was exploring a solution we could help with.
None of that was in the email.
We had something to work with. Now we needed to put it together.
AIDA is a writing framework that’s been around for more than a century:
Attention: Give them a reason to start reading. A referral from her brother-in-law was a pretty good opening.
Interest: Make it relevant to their work. His team was exploring a solution we knew well.
Desire: Help them see what’s possible. We’d done similar work and could show him examples.
Action: Make the next step simple, specific, safe, and small. An invitation to discuss his project gave the meeting a purpose.
You’ve collected the information and made a connection. AIDA helps you turn that work into a note worth answering.
Crafting — Interest isn’t about you
Caring
Have a reason to follow up besides the follow-up.
You sent a thoughtful note. Nobody got back to you.
Maybe they’re busy. Maybe it got buried. Maybe you didn’t make the value clear enough.
Before you start writing the rejection story in your head, take another look.
“I just wanted to follow up” gives them another email to deal with. What can you give them that helps?
Share an article about a problem they mentioned. Introduce them to someone they should know. Show them progress on something you discussed.
And consider whose clock is ticking. Your quarter ending might be urgent for you. It probably means very little to them.
If you don’t have news, progress, or something useful to share, take a beat. Do some work.
Caring means staying interested in what they’re trying to accomplish—and finding ways to help.
Caring — Value over volume
Committing
The choice is yours.
Collecting, connecting, crafting, and caring. Those are the four working parts.
The fifth C is deciding to do them.
This approach is slower, but it saves time. It’s harder, but it’s less work. You put more thought into each note and spend less time chasing people who were never a good fit.
You’ll still write notes that go unanswered. You’ll still need to practice, pay attention, and adjust.
But you’ll get better at connecting what you offer with the people it can help. That’s useful work. It’s also a much better way to spend your day.
These ideas work, but only if you do.
Committing — The choice is yours
Passing Notes to Strangers
Craft Messages That Connect, in Business and in Life
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One More Thing
Want to practice? Pass me a note.
Tell me what caught your attention, ask a question, or share something you think I’d find interesting.
Give me a reason to write back.
Email: dave@winwithflynn.com
Subject: Passing Notes to Dave
I can’t promise feedback on every note, but I’ll read yours. When I have a suggestion that might help, I’ll send it your way.
