That dream about your breakup? That never happened. A shrink can get the official diagnosis but I’m telling you that dream is about rejection.
Rejection hurts like hell and life is full of it. Your pride gets bruised. Your ego stepped on.
What’s the matter with you?
Most of us will come up with a few suggestions. Too dumb, too tall, too pale.
Does that cover it?
We’re born to blend in, be a part of the group, and contribute. Being told no, being left out, judged, or left behind, it’s painful. Just thinking about it brings on anxiety.
Did they really say that? Maybe you just heard it. Felt it. The silence can speak volumes as well.
“Seats taken!”
Forrest Gump. Rejected by his classmates on the first day of school.
Then he makes his way to Jenny.
The discard pile.
It’s an important part of finding a quality hand. A hand you go all-in with.
Every discard gets you that much closer to the pot.
Every rejection gets you that much closer to your tribe.
Process of elimination.
Sometimes the best way to find out who you can play with, be with, or work with is to flip the problem on its head. Find out who you can’t work with.
Maybe that seat is taken, they’ve found somebody else. It could be that they’re obnoxious, you’d fire them anyway. Or maybe it’s not a match, incompatible, your differences are more than you can overcome.
Should those rejections really hurt?
They may have any number of reasons for not choosing you, and that’s not a sign of the value you bring.
“It’s not you, it’s me.”
Cliché for a reason.
Different time, different place, different outcome. But we are here, and it is now.
You’ll be discarded and you’ll do some discarding of your own.
The “No’s” will outweigh the “Yes’s”, no doubt. The dude selling $6.00 hot dogs is getting “Noped” thousands of times a game, and yet, he leaves each night with a lot of satisfied customers and a wad of spending cash.
The trick to getting past all the rejections and not jumping off a bridge is to keep the big picture in mind.
In business you’ve got a laundry list of leads, prospects, maybe some past customers. You call them, they kick you to the curb, you move on to the next one.
What you are doing is discarding the wood. And that’s a good thing. Part of the process.
This is a big part of building a business. Finding your customers.
The discard pile is going to be mountainous. People will tell you to kick rocks, but recognize that in the pile of 52 cards, you’re only going to turn a handful into long term customers. And even more to the point, you’ve only got 4 aces in the deck.
The discard pile is a blessing.
In the real world, aces are not labeled clearly. Sometimes whales wear street clothes. You need to find them, engage with them, build trust with them, and you’ve got to have something they value.
Every time someone tells you to pound sand, you are one step closer to finding your aces. You are that much closer to finding the handful of connections you can build with. The group of customers that value you and your work and are a joy to partner with. That’s what you are looking for.
Grow with them, gain trust, and talk about building things that move you both forward.
Finding them is the easiest part, but it’s the most painful. If they choose you, and you choose them, well then you are off to do the hard thing. And that is an all-new challenge.
But the discard pile, the process of continual rejection, that death by a thousand papercuts. That can really be a drag. Most people never get past it. Most quit or settle because they can’t take the pain.
I’ve felt that way.
Can’t make another call, phone feels like it weighs a thousand pounds. Can’t send another email, fingers feel like they’ve been dipped in cement.
I’ve felt that way at the office and at the pub.
I’ve felt that way and sometimes I still do. Even after writing this little pep talk.
Change your framing on rejection. It’s the discard pile. And you are working your way towards those aces.
You’re not being left behind. You’re moving closer to the place where you’ll make a real impact.
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