Many years ago, the Dalai Lama was traveling in LA, driving through downtown, looking out the car window. He was observing, and deep down he was wanting the things that he saw. Looking in store windows and wanting things he didn’t even know existed prior to that trip. He didn’t understand their purpose, their function, or how they could help him.
He wanted them all the same.
Shiny, beautiful, interesting objects of desire.
We all want things.
Right now, I’d love a cup of coffee. I want it even though it will ruin my sleep. I can hear the kettle going in the next room and that makes me want it more, as though boiling water is some sign from the God’s that I should be drinking hot, caffeinated, liquid.
So, my brain just keeps asking. Cup of coffee? Cup of coffee?
Wanting is a human trait.
I heard this story about the Dalai Lama from Joseph Goldstein, and while Goldstein told it, he observed his own emotions. He said that while simply flipping through a catalog, before each page turned, he had this emotion of wanting to want something on the next page. He was hopeful that turning the page would produce that little dopamine hit of desire. When he flipped the page and that want was fulfilled with something he really did want, he felt good. When he flipped the page and it was nothing close to a match, he felt disappointed.
I can remember feeling the same way. That massive JCPenney catalogue would show up every year, and I’d flip through it, dogear pages, circle things I wanted for Christmas, for the school year, or just for fun.
This feeling has transferred to X and Instagram and your inbox.
If I’m doing my job right, you may open that inbox on Monday mornings with a little bit of desire, some wanting, because you know Win With Flynn is on the way. And when you open the email and see it’s about politics instead of business, you feel excited, or disappointed, or if I’m really blowing it, you feel nothing at all.
That instinct to scroll, to pull down and refresh the page, that is you wanting to want. It’s the internet as a slot machine.
Swiping left or right, seeing new posts, you hope and want and pray something pops up that hits the mark.
Come on big money big money big money.
We all want things.
And we want to want things.
It’s counterintuitive. You’d think, if you had all you needed, and lived life without desire and wanting, that would be a relief. But instead, we feel disappointment. Frustration.
We all want things. Anything will do, and when our want is fulfilled, it feels good.
The Dalai Lama was driving those streets of LA on the hunt for a dopamine fix. And if it can happen to him, what chance do we have?
Sometimes, the wanting feels better than the getting. That might go for the girl, the car, or the late-night drive through.
Naval Ravikant said, “We bought a new car. Now, I’m waiting for the new car to arrive. Of course, every night, I’m on the forums reading about the car. Why? It’s a silly object. It’s a silly car. It’s not going to change my life much or at all. I know the instant the car arrives I won’t care about it anymore. The thing is, I’m addicted to the desiring. I’m addicted to the idea of this external thing bringing me some kind of happiness and joy, and this is completely delusional.”
Just like the day after Christmas when you are left wondering why receiving everything on your list just doesn’t feel as good as you thought.
It wasn’t the things on the list, it was having the list, that filled your emotional coffers.
Anticipation, desire, wanting.
It feels good to see something that matches a desire. To be on the hunt for that thing. That object.
New shirt, new jeans, new anything at all. It feels good to want. So good, that we want to want.
Being desire-less, having it all, often just leads to imagined needs and wants. And unhappiness.
We all want things.
I’ve heard the solution is to want what you have.
An idea that comes from Buddhism. Non-attachment, mindfulness, and the end of craving, in theory, will reduce suffering. They will make you happier.
That’s pretty heavy stuff though. How do we do it?
You can start by understanding you already have the best of what’s around.
The same MacBook as Jeff Bezos and the same breakfast as Warren Buffett.
So, what’s with all the wanting?
Appreciate and desire the things you possess already, recognize the value of what is already in your life, and find contentment in it.
Because if our wanting is unending, no amount of getting will do.
Okay, now let me go see about that coffee…
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