Envy is a tricky emotion, and it’s worth further investigation.
You may be feeling envy for someone’s status or their cash. It may be their choices, their freedom, or their courage.
Chris Pratt grows up doing some local theater, drops out of high school, moves to Maui, lives in a Scooby-Doo van, works at Bubba Gump Shrimp, and gets discovered. Pretty standard stuff.
Meanwhile, you were at business school. If you wanted to live the van life, you sure have a funny way of showing it. Now that Chris Pratt is Chris Pratt, now that he has made it, it’s alluring as all hell. Enviable no doubt.
But is it the starring role in Jurassic World that has you hot and bothered?
If you always wanted to be an action star that might be the truth, but most people would say it’s the paycheck or the house. I’d say it’s his guts.
Living in a van doesn’t always end with Jurassic Park, but someone willing to take the leap, to move somewhere with no house, no job, and no future, they might also be fearless enough to be a huge success, no matter what direction they choose.
It’s important to unpack this Envy thing a bit. You might have been halfway to the improv class without knowing it’s not stage time and spotlights you want, it’s something altogether different.
Envy is the desire for something someone else has, but it really hits home with things that seem attainable. The you coulda if you only woulda stuff is what really stings because you’ll be thinking for the rest of your life that you shoulda.
We compare ourselves to people that are similar. Same school, same hometown, same occupation. People that share commonalities.
You elbow your buddy in the ribs, pointing towards the field.
“Hey, I know that dude, I played with him in Little League. Struck him out. Twice!”
That Envy starts to burn. Just a little. And then a lot.
But you quit Little League. You hated it. Couldn’t hit the curve. You started playing soccer. Still, your mind travels back to the coulda-woulda. Envy. Why would you envy someone who gets up every morning and plays a game you don’t even like?
The money. The fame. The girls.
But mostly the money.
If that’s true, if it’s not baseball, if you just want the bag, if that is where the Envy is coming from, that is worth understanding. Because the world is full of ways to get paid. Spots on a Major League roster are a bit harder to come by. You’ve got to understand your Envy.
Most of the time we do the opposite. Because Envy is one of the seven deadly sins, we either attempt to let it go (doesn’t work), get over it (not gunna happen), or bury it (not enough dirt on the planet to keep it underground). Gretchen Rubin suggests something different. She suggests you investigate it. Ask “whom do I envy?” and follow those breadcrumbs to the source.
After Law School Gretchen picked up her College Alumni magazine and started flipping through the profiles. She noticed a number of high achievers in the legal field. She felt nothing. But when she read about people with interesting writing jobs, it made her sick with Envy. It happened time and time again. She wanted those writing gigs. Envy helped her understand herself better and select a career that is fulfilling.
Interesting topics. Writing. That was the source. The world is full of interesting things to write about. What a blessing to understand that about yourself.
Or she could have buried it, ignored it, denounced it, and kept walking that path towards Partner at the law firm.
It could be the millionaire next door that spends the day gardening.
Or the friend from school that plays golf every Friday.
You’re envious of all that free time. Good. Now make some.
See how that works?
To make the most of that envy, swim upstream until you find the source.
Focus on the specific thing that you are envious of, not the people, not their outcomes.
Don’t bury it. Don’t try to change it. Accept it, sit with it, and let it guide you forward.
